Columbia University Games Club
Quote Board

Quick jump table: [QB#1] [QB#2] [QB#3] [QB#4]

We're just a bunch of weirdos coming up with strange quotes. Here's a partial list, compiled over the years. Numbering reflects the real-paper boards in 301 FBH where new quotes are added:

META-QUOTE:

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW

QUOTE BOARD #1:

You don't have exclusive rights to me, Ethan!: - JI

I'm doing it again. I'm finding honey in strange places.: - Saravit

The piranha are feeding.: - anon

There is no kitchen here.: - Blair

Ouch, Matt, you have hot ears.: - Kathi

Bridge players don't die; they just go down on day with honors.: - anon

Go on a diet you ox?: - Marco

I'm just the kind of guy that sticks his fingers right in.: - Saravit

You're much too big for me.: - Randi, to Matt

Nice guys don't drool.: - Sylvia

It's not drooling, it's esthetic appreciation.: - Jenn

Tidal waves are useful for eliminating unwanted coastal cities.: - SimEarth instruction manual

Blair! At least pay me!: - Ethan

I'm just wiping off the Blair slime.: - Karen

GOD stands for Gamemaster On Duty.: - Eyal

Yugoslavia... isn't that a part of Asia?: - anon

Karen: And of course not one of you was mistreated.
Cari: Oh shit!

Can a pawn move backwards?: - Randi

Take me, form me, pay me!: - Kathi, to Blair

Adam, to Carson: Let's gang-bang him.
Andy: What? Where? How?

To remove a layer of skin, pick up retractor and click near the incision.: - Life and Death instruction manual

Hey, what's wrong with a half-elven marxist bard?: - anon

I need someone to come over to my room and help me do it!: - Ethan

If it's free, I'll eat almost any...: - Mark

If I were a benevolent alien...: - Eyal

Well, face it, I was born with a little less equipment than most people.: - Matt

I don't want to whisper it too loud.: - Ethan

28 pounds and how many inches?: - Eyal

How about you lever and I screw?: - Carson

Don't tell me how to do me.: - Matt

Give me a glove and a scalpel, and we'll have some real fun.: - Sylvia

Make God a sixteenth note, please.: - Gail Archer

I want it on the table.: - Adam

What's that stick you are holding, Carson?: - JI

I'm sorry, I'm attacking your stick.: - Sylvia

Since you can do that, just stick your face in and blow.: - Kathi

You want a more fleshy WHAT?: - Saravit

He who laughs last feels mighty silly, 'cause everyone else has stopped laughing and are staring at him.: - anon

Snuggly things should have only one arm.: - Joe

OK, open up your mouth Blair.: - Marco

You know, `oops' is spelled R-O-L-M.: - Matt

Would you please just put your thing on the table?: - Julie, Karen's sister.

And remember, I'm the guy with the big stick.: - Eyal

I never could do that in gym class.: - Kathi

My semen is on your keyboard. It is my office.: - Blair

Oh, you mean Andy, not the sandwich.: - Kathi

Pillows are more user-friendly than towels.: - Eyal

Alt.sex.what?: - Cari

The rest of them stand around looking constipated... no, that's not the word I'm looking for.: - Saravit

The problem with the scriptures is that a lot of the time you just don't like God.: - Professor Kivette

Fairies have magical non-stink feet.: - Alex

Blair, it is not a baseball bat.: - Karen

Death is something completely different.: - Professor Gorenstein

We are playing Mille-Bornes with a penguin.: - Eyal

An elf on PMS... what a concept!: - Matt

The fact that she's kicking you in the head isn't a problem.: - Tony

Stop dripping on my crotch.: - Eyal

There is absolutely no chocolate in fun math.: - Joe

Well, I tried using my hands, but what I really needed was a pair of vise-grips.: - Ruth

It's so stiff, it doesn't manipulate.: - Jenn, to Matt

Ethan, you insufferably beautiful babe.: - Sylvia

It's amazing how rigid it stays.: - Adam

I haven't gotten you that well in a long time.: - Blair, to Kathi

JI is a smug slug.: - Blair

I'm much too big to be a penguin.: - JI

What can I do here in order to be screwed?: - Jon

Push it in all the way, then pull it out a little.: - Andrew Boardman, to JI

Being a macho bitch means never have to say I'm sorry.: - Sylvia

It's snoring, it can't be dead.: - Blair

Dammit, where is my hole?: - Adam

It's my nature to want to be on top of everything.: - Marco

My problem is that my tongue is too long.: - Jenn

For the first time in my life, I had the three of you.: - Debbie

Andy: Who is playing with what?
Kathi: Can I play too?

I'm an unbearably cute small fairy.: - Randi

Put that thing back in your pocket, Blair.: - JI

I can't get up without it squeaking.: - Jon

I've never seen anything quite that wet.: - Blair, to Marco

Stoping shoving a straw up there and just blow it.: - Matt, to Karen

Gabe, what's this thing you've got about spatulas?: - Karen

Assume female Carson.: - Eyal

Adam, I know you want to play.: - Ethan

Get your hand off my stick.: - JI

What are we doing, and where are we going, and is there going to be a party there?: - Jenn

Heisenberg might have been here.: - anon

I itch. I'm not easy.: - Kathi

Matt, lie down and behave yourself.: - Blair

Every person I know whose name was Perry left a bad taste in my mouth.: - Andy

Use two fingers.: - Karen

Come on, thimble, land on me baby.: - Adam

End persecution and prejudice now. Burn down your local church, mosque, or synagogue.: - Adam

I don't know where I've been for that last six hours.: - Kathi

Matt: It was kind of fun while it lasted.
Karen: Yeah, but you were on top.

Hurry up, mate me.: - Carson

Andy: Passion supreme.
Michele: Oo, can I have some?

I would very much like to be a snob with lots of money. Unfortunately, I'm just a snob.: - JI

Unfortunately it gets so huge, I can't do anything with it.: - Matt

How many pencils *can* you stick in there?: - Matt, to Kathi

Cool, damn you, I want to eat you.: - Carson

Karen: Nous deviendrions {\em quoi}?
Sylvia: Des gommes roses qui n'ont pas besoin des vetements.

I view the progressive party as a prosthetic penile implant that valiantly tries to create an erect, virile, potent entity out of something that is constrained to amazingly lame flaccidity by its very construction.: - Jay Michaelson, CC'93.

QUOTE BOARD #2:

Boy, I'm glad I left my robe and hood home.: - Psycho John

I have so much respect for something with that many holes.: - Sylvia

Would you please ask before grabbing at things?: - Saravit

Well, they're both the same, but mine is bigger.: - Marco

Oh, that's your hand!: - Andy

It's way back in the throat, and it's very wet.: - JI

It's so long... if you didn't have it, I wouldn't pull on it.: - Ethan

I want to play with the long thing.: - Jenn

It's so big, it scrolls.: - Kathi

You put it in your mouth, bite down, and blow.: - Gabe

Aww, c'mon Blair, you know what I want!: - Stephen

I think someone's a little bitter about losing Norway.: - Josh

Practice safe butchery.: - Sylvia

I don't want to do the thing where you have to get down on your knees.: - Lara, to Ratt

You should have seen me with that bowling ball!: - Matt

Can Wagner mount Minetta? Do you have a clue?: - Ari Shamash

Karen, let me know when you get an appearance and a personality.: - Graham

Oh, it's better than food! It's books!: - Karen

Don't squirt anything on me!: - Michele, to Blair

Is the projector broken? Or is it supposed to sound like that?: - Jon Lennox, in response to hearing ``The Rite of Spring''

If you finish that joke, I'll report you to the civility committee.: - Jonathan Epstein, to Will Toborg

You just don't know what pain {\em is} until you've had JI or me!: - Blair

It's not long, but it's curved.: - Carson

Ten inches is hardly enough to feed me.: - Blair

We are very good at people stuffing.: - Kathi's friend.

Teenage girls? Eyuchhh!: - Blair

Don't let him touch that!: - Blair

Customer (to waiter): Where's my food?
Waiter (Mark): How the fuck should I know?

Blair, to Ethan: How good are you at giving head from a seated position?
Cari: Stop it! I'm starving!

It's a trade-off - height for size - and I need size.: - Gabe

She should be very easy to edit.: - Erik-Peter

I've had entirely too many people.: - JI

It counts exactly the same no matter where you get it.: - Ethan

If I put the whole thing in my mouth, I can't blow it.: - JI

I don't want it; it's too big!: - Kent

You are in charge, but I'm taking it!: - Blair

I don't like having it forced down my throat.: - Matt

It works, but it lacks feeling.: - Matt

The Lacrimosa does NOT work in a major key.: - Jon Lennox

No, Blair, you may not bite my yo-yo!: - Matt

Stop biting me. Here, bite this.: - JI, to Blair

How come yours doesn't look anything like Matt's?: - Ben, to JI

No, you are not going to say that my hair comes from your library.: - Jon Lennox, to JI

Do you need this on the floor, or would you rather have it somehwere else?: - Carson, to JI

Don't bang on the table.: - JI, to Matt

I'm not a Nice Jewish Dildo!: - Matt

This is so good. I might keep it up for a while.: - Matt, to Deb.

I don't mount Unix!: - JI

I've gotten other things up there.: - Matt

Oooooh, your thing actually requires an alpha character.: - Rob Kudla

I figure that nobody's going to touch me there.: - Matt

I like the chewy bits.: - Saravit

She fills a hole in my heart that you never could, just as you fill a hole she never could.: - Doriana

This is not \TeX. This is real life.: - Gabe

Oh, you're doing Cari differently.: - Lee, to Matt

Die, please! Oh, screw it!: - Cari

Is it sufficiently long? Is it sufficiently good?: - Jenn, to Blair

I think it works; now, I have to find somebody who can tell me whether I broke it or not.: - Neil Reynolds

You change the shape of your lips, and you move your tongue around!: - JI

QUOTE BOARD #3

You'll love what I did with \LaTeX.: - Carson

Mine is thinner and not as versatile.: - Erez

My partners don't null their pointers.: - jtt

Now it fits nice and smooth.: - Guy

That's all you get from that position.: - Germaine

Carson: Well, they are the right size...
JI: That's right, just over three and a half inches.

I experimented with all four orientations, and I liked this one the most.: - JI

Kathy might be here; but that's only one extra on my end.: - Andy

I can do it some times and I can't do it others.: - Ringel

I was trying too hard, and in the wrong way, and it just didn't work.: - Henry Massalin

It doesn't take much to satisfy me... for a little while.: - Daniel V. Wilson

So that's what it looks like under there.: - Renate Valencia

They're practicing for the honeymoon night. You know, when the bride eats the groom.: - Randi Kestin

It's the taste, it's not the way they look.: - Renate Valencia

Don't keep moving so close or else it's not gonna work right.: - Jeff

Are you sending other people up, or are you going down yourself?: - Jon Lennox, to Andy

You can go ahead and do me.: - Lara

It's not flat, it's curved, which is the way it should be.: - Carson

Andy: How do you eat it?
JI: You suck on it.

Ben, you're not worth 14 cents a minute.: - Blair

Are you aware whose hand you're sucking?: - Andy, to Jon Lennox

I don't want your slimy lips on my...: - Elam, to Ethan

Don't poke it where I can see it.: - Cari

It is not eating unless there are points on it.: - Blair

Would somebody just oil her?: - John, about Deb

Just take out Tori so she can play me.: - Elam

Take JI's thing off.: - Josh

I was not going to do it, but then, all of a sudden, bam!: - Rick

I can handle you.: - John Kim, to Michele

My fingers got the wrong holes.: - JI

Apparently, Blair swung something.: - Matt

Blair, that makes up for everything that went on last night.: - Deb

I'm trying to get it to stay up. Graham's working on something. He's an engineer.: - Cari

We never let you people get get a-head.: - Ethan

When they go down, you go up.: - Gail Archer to Tenors, re: Sopranos

What are you promising him to enjoy?: - Andy to Deb, about Rick.

Chocolate is not vanilla.: - Jon Lennox

Don't play with that. It might fall off!: - Ezra Persach, to Randi

I am NOT a game!: - Deb

I'm sorry, I can't afford you.: - John, to Cari

I like mine better: it's a long one, it's huge, and you can poke people with it.: - Rick

You put it in, and then it doesn't come out until you pull it out.: - Gabe

Mimeo? It's a cheap form of reproduction. You just crank it yourself.: - Brent

Rick: Three letters come to mind: S, O, and L.
Elam: What's a sol?

She beats it regularly every day.: - Michele

You don't have to touch it, you just have to eat it.: - Renate Valencia

QUOTE BOARD #4:

Oh, good, it's hard!: - Dan Wilson

No, you need another six inches... that's good!: - Dan Wilson

They're ugly, they're obnoxious, and they come way too often.: - Lee Nussbaum

It's bent... what's its use?: - JI

Oh, you got two tops, and I got two bottoms!: - Henry, to JI

It was warm, it was wet, it would have been an improvement.: - Fred Korz

James Tanis: You can only count the ones you put in your mouth.
Fred Korz: I prefer tasting to counting.

Well, let's stand back-to-back, and see who sticks out more.: - Tori, to Thea

Deb: Am I making you nervous?
Neil: No, you're making me wet!

Learn to use your tools before you experiment with them.: - Gabe

I never had an orientation.: - Neil

That's quite a leak.: - Randi, to Neil

Kathi was the guest of honor. Everybody paid for her.: - Matt

It just wants to go down there and stay down.: - Neil

It does change color when you lick it.: - Glenn

I don't know how you did it, but you got pizza down my cleavage.: - Deb, to Glenn

`Masturbation is so icky.' Excuse me, this is where I get off.: - Seth

The guard yelled at me for putting my finger in his box.: - Adam

Seth: There's something wrong with my left testicle.
Alex: Is it pulsating?

Deb: I'd play strip poker, but I don't know what beats what.
Matt: I'll show you!

So what should we do, put our finger over the thing, then count 1,2,3, and push?: - Chris

That's, `Yes, Mistress, SIR!': - Seth, to Blair

Adam: Oh, my leg is so hard.
Marco: That's not your leg.

I can do it with this one; it seems long enough.: - Alex

I've tried balls, but I like pins better.: - Lara

Deb: I didn't blow hard enough.
Yukiko: Maybe that was your problem.

I can do it fine by myself and in the shower.: - Neil

Oh, wow! Curved ones!: - Thea

Let me know if you are coming... so I can make reservations.: - Renate